My Blogging Psyche

Can’t believe this December will mark 3 full years this blog has been up and running. When I made the decision to start a blog I really had no big plans beyond a list of posts for the first 100 days. All I wanted was to share the home decorating, DIY, and gardening projects I did around the house with the world and inspire others. Soon the “professional” side of me took over (had to happen why else do I walk around with an MBA?) and I started viewing it as a profession and business. With that came goals, expectations, and comparisons. In time I discovered that there were quite a few bloggers in my niche who have managed to strike gold aka. make their passion a full time profession. With that wonderful realization, a dream of being in the same position one day started to take root and soon transformed into a goal. When you personally know, by that I mean following them day in and day out through their blogs, so many of them it is very easy to get sucked into that dream. I mean who wouldn’t want to work for themselves, not be answerable to another person, be a free bird with your time, and make a living doing what you love? It is bliss, isn’t it? Something every person with an entrepreneurial bone in their body pines for.

So dream big I did, vivid larger than life dreams and most importantly worked tirelessly towards my goal. I threw myself earnestly into my blog heart and soul, every ounce of my blogging energy focused on my new found goal. In the process, blogging became more about churning out one project after another, pageviews, ad revenue, sponsors, and getting on the social media hamster wheel. Like every blogger that blogs and works a day job I was starry eyed about blogging thinking, “Only if I had a little more time aka. no day job I could do so much more on the blog front”. For days on end I’d wish for 24+ hr days so I could accomplish more. I was frustrated that I would have to wait till the weekends to work on projects and photograph them in daylight! Anything that stopped me from following my passion bothered me, all I wanted was to jump right in and experience it in full. By the end of 2013 I was seriously contemplating quitting my day job and becoming a full time blogger.

Then came one of the biggest turning points in my life; in Feb 14 I got laid off from my job. When I got the notice I was actually smiling inside. Really, I was one of the handful of people who was happy to be laid off ‘coz I got an excuse to blog full time. I saw it as a blessing in disguise. It was the sign I was waiting for all these years! So I convinced myself and B that I would take a break and see how full time blogging goes. Remember, I was so passionate about full time blogging and I was 100% sure that is what I want to do. But alas things didn’t turn out that way. In the 4 months I sat at home full time I may have managed to get 2 projects done let alone the million other things that were on my To Do List. Yes there was big financial impact on us without my income but more than the financial impact, now that I was viewing blogging as a profession all of a sudden it became a chore. Projects weren’t fun anymore and I just lost the drive. I felt the guilt that I was expected to bring in more income from it to supplement/ justify what we had lost. That thought literally sucked the blogging life out me. Still I managed to pump out posts (if you remember I cut the # down from 5 to 3  and played around with the schedule a bit back then) but I was going through one of the most emotionally stressful phases during that time. The whole idea of did I make the right decision, will this have a good outcome weighed on my heart every single second of those 4 months. The biggest question of all, “Is this really what I want to do?”

And you know what, the lesson I came away with from those 4 months has been a revelation both for me and my family. What those months taught me was that doing projects around the house was my stress buster from everything in life and that I enjoyed it most when it was hobby and not something I had to rely on for my family’s financial security. Thinking back that is exactly what used to happen. Some people de-stress by watching TV, some by reading a book, some play sports, I like to knock a project off my To Do list, do some decorating, and write about it. Doing projects and sharing those with you….blogging…… is my wine (I don’t drink), it is my coffee. I need them is short, sweet, and frequent doses to keep me going. Drinking just coffee and wine all day every day just doesn’t work for me.

Long story short, I went back to work in June and couldn’t be happier. What can I say, I like being the perpetual juggler and I’m OK with it. In fact I like it that way. I think in the end all that matters is finding where your comfort level is with blogging. I’m happy that I get to do this too with everything else that I get to do in life. It is like that last piece in the puzzle that completes me; family, home, work, and the blog. Without any one of it I feel empty.

So I’ll be here doing my thang……………….doing what I love, sharing my heart out to y’all. Through you guys I have found myself, learned to appreciate what I have, and grown a bigger heart of gratitude.

Doing something part time does not diminish how passionate you are about it nor does it make it any less valuable. It just means you are passionate about a whole lot of other things than just one. All that counts is do what makes you happy!

 

PS: Awesome giveaway coming up Monday!